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Poster: high flow Date: Feb 1, 2011 3:16pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: John Cleese on Terrorism (Non-Dead)



John Cleese on Terrorism

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated," or even "A Bit Cross."

The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since "The Blitz" in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

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Poster: buck78 Date: Feb 1, 2011 7:38pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: John Cleese on Terrorism (Non-Dead)

or how about the Swiss alert... which might include the phrase "we're indifferent, go on about your business."

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Poster: Lou Davenport Date: Feb 1, 2011 4:22pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: John Cleese on Terrorism (Non-Dead)

Very funny, but...

http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=70255

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Poster: deadpolitics Date: Feb 1, 2011 5:09pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: John Cleese on Terrorism (Non-Dead)

read this one numerous times but it never fails to crack me up. thanks, hf!

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Poster: jglynn1.2 Date: Feb 2, 2011 5:34am
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: John Cleese on Terrorism (Non-Dead)

Hahahahah that is funny

the Scot's one really got me

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

How bout the Irish? Threat level "only having one tonight" to "may have to have a Few tonight" to "let's get drunk and fight"


This post was modified by jglynn1.2 on 2011-02-02 13:34:26

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Poster: fireeagle Date: Feb 1, 2011 4:13pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: John Cleese on Terrorism (Non-Dead)

no wonder he doesnt mention americans

http://www.archive.org/post/181131/john-cleese-letter-to-america

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Poster: unclejohn52 Date: Feb 1, 2011 3:43pm
Forum: GratefulDead Subject: Re: John Cleese on Terrorism (Non-Dead)

funniest fargin thing I've read in a week !